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Puzzles, Jokes, Anecdotes, and Thoughts

Discussion in 'General' started by pianolady, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    No silly...

    From the top! err, beginning. It should take you about 20 years to do them all :wink:
     
  2. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I recently heard a Jewish joke which I very much like. It was told to me by a non-Jew.

    A rabbi was being driven to another city where he had to give a lecture at a synagogue, The chauffeur was acting in a disgruntled manner. The rabbi asked him what was bothering him. The chauffeur replied: " You
    live such an easy life and get so much admiration, whereas I work so hard and get so little! It's not fair! "
    The rabbi responded: " In that case. let us change roles." And so the rabbi sat in the front seat and drove, and the chauffeur sat in the back seat and relaxed. When they got to the other city. the rabbi had never been seen there before, and seeing the chauffeur in the back seat, it was thought that he was the rabbi. and accordingly he was brought into the temple as the rabbi, and the rabbi followed in the role of the chauffeur. Then they asked the chauffeur, whom they thought was the rabbi, a difficult theological question. The chauffeur replied: " Oh, that is so obvious, that even my chauffeur could answer that ! "
     
  3. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I recently thought of the following joke:

    A: I am a specialist.
    B: You specialize in what?
    A; Everything.
     
  4. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Someone recently invented a truly wonderful copying machine! It does double duty: As it makes a copy, it shreds the original.
     
  5. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    Isn't that like a puzzle? If the machine shreds the original, then in a way the copy becomes the original, right? wrong? Maybe it's not a puzzle at all and I should stop thinking that Raymond is always trying to trick us? :lol:
     
  6. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    No ma'am. The original is still the original regardless if it is complete or in shreds. A copy will always be a copy.
     
  7. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I agree with joufa 72. I originally heard this as an efhnic joke. The utter stupidity of such a mahine!
     
  8. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

    I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
     
  9. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    I've seen this sort of thing before, but it still is really amazing.

    And maybe misspelling words shouldn't be such a big deal. Nah, teachers wouldn't go for that.
     
  10. techneut

    techneut Active Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    Haha, now I don't understand why we pick on each other's mistakes. Surely one can understand a piece of music even if half of the notes are wrong ? As long as the melody line and phrasing are ok, all the actual notes should not matter so much :p
     
  11. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Teacher: Johnny, if your father had ten dollars and you asked him for six, how many would he have left?
    Johnny: Ten.
    Teacher: You don't know your math!
    Johnny: You don't know my father!
     
  12. MindenBlues

    MindenBlues New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Poor Johnny :(

    It is still simpler: only the beginning and ending of a piece must be ok, all notes in between are don'care. Same effect as in spelling works here too :D
     
  13. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    Then I can just leave out the middle part, right? :lol:

    Yes - poor Johnny. But then again, poor me - literally! - My son asks me for money every day so he can do fun stuff with his friends. I'm being drained.
     
  14. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    A couple jokes related to children:

    1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

    The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

    The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


    2. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

    'Yes,' the class said.

    'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

    A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'


    3. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

    'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

    A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
     
  15. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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  16. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Question: What kind of mathematics do pigs study?

    Answer: They study swines and co-swines.It's all part of pigonometry.
     
  17. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    A curious fact:

    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
     
  18. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    That's neat!
     
  19. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.” The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.” The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!” The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription."
     
  20. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I love illogicalities! A reporter once said about a woman involved in an auto accident: " She was in such a state of shock, that she was unable to confuse fantasy with reality."
     

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