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Puzzles, Jokes, Anecdotes, and Thoughts

Discussion in 'General' started by pianolady, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I am particularly fond of British humor. Here is a perfect example:

    An announcer for the British Broadcasting Company was about to introduce a modern British composerand gave a brief biographical sketch. With a perfectly straight face he said: " He started out in life as a dentist, and then decided to see if he could extract a living from music."

    I'll give you another example on my next posting.
     
  2. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Nere is another lovely example of British humour:

    A detective was testifying to a judge about a matter pertaining to chemistry. After finishing, the judge said : " After having heard what you said, I am no wiser than before! " The detective
    replied: " That may be true, Your Honor, but you are better informed."
     
  3. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Here are some curiosities I recently found:


    Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language. 

    The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

    Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

    Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

    Coca-Cola was originally green.

    It is impossible to lick your elbow.

    The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
    Alaska

    The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
    The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

    The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

    The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
    61,000

    Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

    The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

    The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

    Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
    Spades - King David
    Hearts - Charlemagne
    Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    Diamonds - Julius Caesar

    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

    If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

    Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

    Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
    A. Their birthplace

    Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
    A. Obsession

    Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
    A. One thousand

    Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
    A. All were invented by women.

    Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
    A. Honey

    Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
    A. Father's Day

    In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight, sleep tight'

    It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

    In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
    It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

    Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

    At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

    Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

    I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

    YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN  2009  when

    1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.


    4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

    6.. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

    7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

    8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

    10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

    11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

    12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

    13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

    14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

    15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

    NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

    Go on, forward this to your friends and try to lick your elbow.  You know you want to!
     
  4. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    Good one(s), Raymond! I even learned a few things. And that "Living in 2009" list is pretty darn accurate! :lol:

    (I can get about 3 inches away from my elbow. :wink:)
     
  5. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    And polar bears and left-pawed
     
  6. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    The following was told to me by a pianist: he was sitting on a bus behind two ladies. One of them said to the other: " Do you lihe classical music ? " The other replied : " No, I like things that are faster."
     
  7. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    A lovely Chinese proverb:

    When the wrong person does the right thing, it usually turns out wrong.
     
  8. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    How about - When the right person does the wrong thing, it usually turns out right?
     
  9. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Monica, I would say NO.
     
  10. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    The result is purely relative to the people involved. Look at politics: America deemed Obama to be the next Messiah and every liberal worships him like a god. stimulating the economy is a good thing, but it will turn out wrong because it is the wrong person doing it :lol:
     
  11. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    :lol: :lol:
     
  12. alf

    alf Active Member Piano Society Artist

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    Unfortunately economy is much more complicated than that. As Marc Faber (google him) has acutely pointed out:

    And he didn't know that the Belgians have just taken over Budweiser! :lol:
     
  13. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    ..and guns!

    However, "wonderful" Obama is seeking to place bans on certain kinds of firearms. And our "wonderful" liberal nazi governer of Wisconsin is pushing for a $40 tax on all firearm transactions. Before those go into practice, I am saving up my money and buying as many AK-47s, SKS's and AR-15s as I can afford. More guns, the better! Like the saying goes: Disarm the people and it is one step closer to a totalitarian dictatorship.

    I RESPONSIBLY LOVE FIREARMS! :D
     
  14. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    I love Chinese poens. Here is one of my favorites:

    In the evening years of my life, given over
    to quietude,
    No longer a slave to the world's affairs
    My future? I have no better plan than to
    retreat to my old forest.
    There the pine wind will play about my girdle.
    And the moon will smile at me as I play the lute.
    You ask what laws govern failure and success!
    Just listen to the fisherman's song drifting
    up from the deep river estuary.
     
  15. sarah

    sarah New Member

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    Way to go.... you're my kind of person! :D
     
  16. rsmullyan

    rsmullyan New Member Piano Society Artist

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    For those who don't already know about this, the following, which I just got over the internet, will surely interest you.

    Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.
    He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
    After 3 mins: a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
    4 mins: the violinist received his first dollar - a woman threw the money in the till and, without stopping, continued to walk..
    6 minutes: a young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
    10 mins: a 3 year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly, as the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated in a similar way by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced them to move on.
    45 minutes: the musician still played.
    Overall, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace.
    He collected $32 total.
    1 hour: he finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

    No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theatre in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

    This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by "The Washington Post" as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities..

    The questions raised were:
    In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
    Do we stop to appreciate it?
    Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

    One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be:
    If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ... how many other things in life are we missing?
     
  17. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    marry me?! :D :wink: :lol:
     
  18. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Professor Smullyan,


    It is also interesting to note that the kids were wanting to stay the longest. Perhaps it is due to their "in the moment" life style while adults are conditioned to be "for the future" living. Perhaps the kids stayed because it was just a new source of stimulus and they were trying to find out what it was. Perhaps, they just have a better sense of beauty and would stop for it.

    -Student
     
  19. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist Trusted Member

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    I remember when that happened and how stunned I felt. And reading about it again still has the same affect.

    There are quite a few street musicians in the city of Chicago. And when I am there, my ears always pick up any music sounds well before my eyes can find the source. But when I do find the musician, I always stop, listen, and give money.
     
  20. bclever

    bclever New Member

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    At Purdue we had a set of steeple bells that would ring at certain times of the day.
    If you happened to be on campus at around 6 when the world was peaceful and your
    head was clear the bells were so beautiful and unbelievably calming. If however you were
    trying to race to your next class at 12pm when the bells were ringing it was actually
    annoying. Many students complained about this all the time. The bells were just extra
    noise intruding on one's consciousness and increasing one's stress. I would attribute
    the adults reaction to the violinist in the train station as just such a response.
     

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