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Puzzles, Jokes, Anecdotes, and Thoughts

Discussion in 'General' started by pianolady, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Our resident Puzzlemaster and Humorist, Raymond, has more funny things to tell us. On a mostly daily basis, he will post a puzzle, joke or anecdote that will surely bring a smile or laugh to everyone. Here is the first one.
    Enjoy!

    (and feel free to comment if you like)


    I love the story of Anton Rubinstein, who had a fabulous technique,
    but was extremely careless in his concerts, hitting enormous numbers of
    wrong notes. Nevertheless, his playing had so much fire and
    imagination, that his audiences loved it, despite the wrong notes.
    After one concert, Letchetitsky said to him :" You must really have a
    fabulous technique to be able to mess up the last movement that way!"
     
  2. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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  3. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    The nineteenth singer Nelie Melba had an absolutely perfect voice,
    but her singing was quite uninspired. The music critic Ernest Newman
    described her voice as" uninterestingly perfect, and perfectly
    uninteresting".
     
  4. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Mark Twain defined the German language as the language in which all
    the verbs come in the second volume.


    (hahaha Raymond - that one cracks me up)
     
  5. PJF

    PJF New Member Piano Society Artist

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    :mrgreen:
     
  6. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    When Mark Twain returned from Germany, he said:" I went to the
    opera, and enjoyed it too, in spite of the music."
     
  7. nathanscoleman

    nathanscoleman New Member Piano Society Artist

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    rofl .... a few months ago I had wagner in the cd player ... really loud, of course ... my four year old came in and yelled 'that's a lot of screaming daddy'! hehe
     
  8. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    response: A taste of your own medicine? or....Now you know how I feel when you go off on your rants! :wink:
     
  9. nathanscoleman

    nathanscoleman New Member Piano Society Artist

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    me?? rant?? I'm shocked that you would label me with such a mistaken exaggeration!! :lol:
     
  10. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    About the music of Richard Wagner, Mark Twain said:' It's probably
    not as bad as it sounds."

    Speaking of Richard Wagner, I once saw a play in which the whole
    scene took place in Hell. The visitor was very surprised when the Devil
    told him that Wagner was in Hell. "Of course," said the Devil, "he was
    a vicious anti-semite! " "Oh," said the visitor, "but he wrote such
    beautiful music ! " "Ah", replied the Devil, "his music went to Heaven.
    HE went to Hell."
     
  11. juufa72

    juufa72 New Member Piano Society Artist

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    No. I meant that that response would be given by you to your kid.
     
  12. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Speaking again of Mark Twain, he once had to give an after dinner
    speech at a banquet, He was very tired, and rose up slowly and said:"
    Homer is dead. Shakespeare is dead, and I am none too well."
     
  13. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    My favorite Twain story is the one in which he gave a presentation
    in a hick town in Vermont. He got absolutely no reaction to his
    humorous bits; nobody cracked a smile; they were all deadpan. Twain
    wondered: " Am I losing my touch?" Well, during the intermission he
    heard an elderly couple discussing his act. The husband said to the
    wife: "Weren't he funny? Weren't he funny? You know, at times I could
    hardly keep from laughing! "
     
  14. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Speaking of Vermont, the essence of Vermont jokes is that when you
    ask a Vermonter a question, the answer he gives is correct, but highly
    insufficient. For example, a Vermont farmer went to a neighbor farmer
    and asked:"Lem, what did you give your horse that time it had the
    colic? " Lem answered : " Bran and molasses." The farmer returned a
    week later and said: "Lem, I gave my horse bran and molasses and it
    died." Lem replied: "So did mine."


    :lol: :lol:
     
  15. techneut

    techneut Active Member Piano Society Artist

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    I love this one - despite it being rather gruesome from the horse's point of view :lol:
     
  16. PJF

    PJF New Member Piano Society Artist

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    Oh, my eyes are watering! I'll make up a new one...LTIBUAL!

    :lol:
     
  17. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Here's another one. :lol:

    A tourist was traveling through Vermont and he came to a fork in
    the road and both signs said the same thing: TO WHITE RIVER JUNCTION.
    He spied a native Vermonter standing in the intersection and asked him:
    "Does it make any difference which road I take?" The Vermonter
    replied : " Not to me it doesn't. "
     
  18. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    Actually, many Vermonters have a keen, though wry sense of humor: A
    student once told me that he drove past a farm house in Vermont and saw
    a farmer rocking on a rocking chair on the porch. Being in a mischievous
    mood, he said to the farmer: " Been rocking that way all your life?"
    The farmer replied: " Not yet."
     
  19. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    The former president Calvin Coolidge was a Vermonter, and there are
    many jokes about him. He was known to speak very little, and was
    called: " Silent Cal". Here are three jokes about him:
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    (1) He was once at a banquet sitting next to a young lady, and was
    silent for half an hour. Finally she turned to him and said: " Mister
    President, I have a bet that I can get more than two words out of you!
    " He replied: " You lose!" [Pretty clever, huh?]

    (2) One Sunday he came home from church and his neighbor asked him
    what the preacher had been talking about. Coolidge replied: " Sin" The
    neighbor asked: " What did he have to say abut it? "
    Coolidge replied: " He was against it."


    Before telling you the next Coolidge joke, I must tell
    you of an incident I read about him that increased my respect for him
    enormously: He came into his office one day and found a burglar going
    through his belongings. When confronted, the burglar broke down in
    tears and said that he desperately
    needed to find money to get to his dying mother in another state.
    Coolidge reached in his pocket, took out some money which he gave to
    him and said: " Pay me back as soon as you can, and be careful the way
    you get out of here, as the building is heavily guarded."

    (3) Coolidge once visited a farm with some friends. They saw some sheep
    and one of the friends said:
    " I see these sheep have just been shorn" Coolidge replied : " Looks
    like it from this side."
     
  20. pianolady

    pianolady Monica Hart, Administrator Staff Member Piano Society Artist

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    The last joke reminds me of the story of a physicist and a
    mathematician who flew from the West coast to the East coast and each
    was asked to record any observations they made on the way. They saw a
    black sheep in Kansas, and the physicist wrote : " There is a black
    sheep in Kansas." The mathematician wrote : " There exists-- somewhere
    in the Midwest --a sheep--black on top."
     

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