I'm sorry to tell you that the act of composing should follow the study of at least scales, chords and harmony, not precede it. I have only looked at the first two lines of your score and can tell that the spelling of chords and their function is not within your grasp. I would venture to guess that your means of composing is to play an electronic midi keyboard by ear and let the notes be what they are by some software. I know this sounds harsh, but composing should not be attempted without a firm grounding in the science
of music. This is a prerequisite. The art
comes with insight, inspiration and experience, but the simple managing of note/chord spellings and understanding their function is science, plain and simple. To be more illustrative:
Bar 2: The introduction of g natural in the last chord results in an Eb major chord and the last note in the LH makes it an Eb7 (i.e. a dominant 7th chord) in 3rd inversion. You should know that such a chord on the 2nd degree of the scale is not diatonic harmony, but rather chromatic harmony (the G natural is not part of the key) and therefore suggest movement away
from the tonic key (you are suggesting a possible modulation to the dominant), but it's followed by the tonic chord dropped right out of heaven. On the other hand, it would serve nicely as a secondary dominant - meaning that the chord is borrowed (chromatic) to function as a dominant of THE dominant. That is, the Eb7 would go to Ab Major (in first inversion in this case) the actual dominant of your tonic key on the way to something else. Also, since you did
follow it with the tonic on the down beat of measure 3, playing Db as the LH last note of the 2nd measure sounds and feels like an insipid anticipation.
Bar 3: the RH 2nd and 3rd chords are actually Fb major chords, but you haven't spelled them correctly. Can you name the harmony of those RH chords (Ab, Cb, E natural)?
You need to do a lot of work on the science of music. Never write a thing that you do not understand absolutley, for you will just be cheating yourself of valuable time and education. Every note has a pupose. E natural is NOT the same as Fb, and vice versa, and you should know when one is correct and the other is incorrect.
I'm sorry I'm not more generous at this time, but I'm getting frustrated with composers who haven't yet mastered Theory 101. This for me is just like reading a budding poet's new poetry and they have spelling, homonym and grammatical errors. First learn the language and then
say something with it.
(Yes I've had some stressful days recently)